Movie Review: Spiderman 3

A Big ole' Emo Cluster-Fuck

7/10

Well folks, it really doesn't matter what is said here, because most of you have already witnessed Spiderman 3 in all its glory. However, that isn't going to stop us from giving you a review now will it? So far it has smashed all current box office opening day records (Previously held by Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest) and has at least one more week before Shrek 3 throws its hat into the already busy summer blockbuster season.

Money is nice, but what about the movie? Well, first you will notice that this film is 2 hours and 20 minutes long. A superhero movie lasting that long should draw a red flag. The film starts off fairly good. The same original cast from the previous movies is still there. You get the addition of Eddie Brock, played by Topher Grace. You also get the best villain of the film, the Sandman aka Flint Marko, played by Thomas Haden Church. Of course, it wouldn't be complete without the ever so popular cameo by the one and only Bruce Campbell.

That being said, the first 20 minutes were fairly good. After that, the film took some odd turns. Maybe I wasnt exepcting it, but seeing some random dance scenes by Peter Parker and some song scenes to boot put a knot in my stomach. To make things worse, the "Black Suit" that was hyped up so much turned out to be an emo outlet. That's right kids, Peter Parker got the emo haircut (Striking image from a Good Charlotte fanboy) , a fifteen year old pissy attitude and I swear I even saw some eyeliner. At any rate, if that wasnt bad enough, he changed his entire character. All of the sudden you see Peter Parker doing the "bang bang" salute walking down the street Saturday Night Live style, flicking back his emo haircut while girls stare at him. He even dresses down the occasion, wearing all black. It really looks like Sam Rami just said "Fuck it, I'm going to be gone after this film, I might as well have a random scene that has absolutely nothing to do with the movie".

That brings us to the villains. Sandman was brilliant. The CGI was insane, and that is saying alot considering that Spiderman himself looks worse than the first two. Sandman was used correctly. The other main villain that everyone was to piss themselves about was VENOM. Well folks, if you want to sit through 2 hours to see Venom, be my guest. That is how long you are gonna wait. And when you do see him, Topher Grace keeps pulling back his face. So the 20 minutes you do see Venom are mostly Topher Grace with a Venom leotard.

The good news (or not so good) is that the Spidey franchise has signed up for three more films. Lets hope that they give Venom his due, because they really raped him in this film.

So the final opinion, go out and see this for yourself, but I highly doubt many people will go back for seconds.

Movie Review: The Condemned

You'll need a few Stevewiser's for this one


5/10

WWE Fans can rejoice (or shudder), the third film of the WWE Films franchise has been released. The Good news? It's far better than See no Evil and The Marine. The Bad news? That's not saying much. The Condemned stars former WWE Champion Stone Cold Steve Austin in a smash mouth action adventure in which ten condemned prisoners must duel it out on a deserted island. The last one alive wins their freedom and a big ol' stack of cash. The film co-stars Vinnie Jones, who almost out-badasses Austin.

The film starts off decent, with a surprise entrance of former WWE star Nathan Jones. However, the movie sinks pretty bad after that. Stone Cold just didn't cut it for me. Maybe he was mis-cast, because he did a pretty good job in The Longest Yard. The film's whole message mirrors the WWE's message of showing violence for money (an odd coincidence that the event on the movie charged $49.95 - the same as a standard WWE Pay Per View).

If you're not a WWE fan, steer clear of this one. Too many shaky camera angles made me quite dizzy. The acting was quite bad. The action was the bright spot, so if you are a WWE fan, its worth a rental at best.

Note to WWE Films, hire directors who are worth a damn!

Movie Review: Fracture

No Fava Beans needed


8 / 10

If you thought that Fracture was going to be another Anthony Hopkins film in which he is a psycho killer, then you were right. But don't make that steer you away. Fracture has its own smartass identidy. The movie stars Ryan Gosling, a hotshot lawyer on the rise, who is about to cross paths with a crazed, but yet quite cold Anthony Hopkins. Hopkins is driven to kill his wife after seeing her with a lover. He then confesses, and the case seems "open/shut". Saying more would give much of the movie away, but Hopkins plays a part of a killer who knows more than everyone else. His intelligence seems far beyond everyone else's. Hopkins plays around with the mind of Gosling, who can't keep this case on his mind with bigger and better things looming. The end result: a lot of mind games, twists, and courtroom drama.

This picture plays quite well. Yes, Anthony Hopkins is basically the same creepy character he always is. However, he plays it just right so that it can also be a completely different version. Gosling does a good job, the supporting actors are quite nice (As well as a certain Shawshank Redemption actor making an appearance). This movie is quite a good one. It arrives just before the summer blockbusters.

So minions, go out and see this one before you start the Spiderman/Transformers binges that will surely become of you this summer.

Movie Review: Dawn of the Dead (1978)

Apocalypse in the Food court



7.5 / 10

Zombie movies will always be a part of the film culture. They have been silly, gross, you name it. George A. Romero has been the face of the zombie film industry since its humble yet classic beginning with the ever-so known film Night of the Living Dead. This film has recently been re-made. However, most fans see it as an asterisk next to its original.

Dawn of the Dead takes place in the seventies. In story land, it takes place after the zombie epidemic of Night of the Living Dead. Zombies are now everywhere, eating up men, women and children alike. In Philadelphia, their SWAT team decides to evacuate an apartment complex, with disastrous results. They are then forced to flee. They end up at a mall, where they figure they can break in, block the doors, and kill off all the zombies inside to ensure a safe haven. What follows is a surprisingly fun film. This film almost pokes fun at the zombies. From rednecks using them for target practice, to one zombie having an altercation with a helicopter blade.

The mall is a safe haven, but not for long. What results ends up as a very good zombie movie. For what its worth, this one is far better than the re-make. Maybe I'm just a sucker for classic film, but then again, I don't really see zombies as running a faster 40 than Steve Smith. On any rate, if you haven't seen it, go pick it up. It's well worth a movie night rental, if not a purchase.

Movie Review: Disturbia

The Good-Guy Peeping Tom

7.5 / 10

For a movie that didn't look too appealing on its preview, Disturbia really takes you by surprise. This movie seems at first to be the classic teenager horror flick, and for good reason. The plot consists of a high school kid, recently dad-less, who is on house arrest after punching his Spanish teacher out. After a while, he gets bored and begins to watch the neighbors via some high powered binoculars. The mom is none other than Carrie-Anne "Trinity" Moss (Although she tends to get lost within the movie). The villain is played by David Morse, who you may remember from the classic Tom Hanks flick The Green Mile. He plays a decent villain. Not to spoil the movie, but it provides great horror and does what it intends to do-entertain.
The movie is not without its flaws, as it caters to the young kids, with the goofy Asian kid played by Aaron Yoo, and of course, less than stellar acting. The ending is quite abrupt as well, and some people live who you otherwise were lead to believe they were dead. In all, it is a good movie to go see if you've already seen Pathfinder or you want to share the theater with a bunch of obnoxious teenagers. I'd give it a mid week matinées "Go".