Saturday, June 14, 2008

Movie Review: The Incredible Hulk

Hulk Fucking SMASH!


For any of you poor poor souls who had to watch the first failed attempt at a Hulk movie in 2003, then you can gladly take that Ang Lee piece of shit, light it on fire, and spit on it. No offense to Eric Bana and the ever so lovely Jennifer Connelly, but this one just blew the first attempt away. I should note that this film is in NO WAY a sequel to Ang Lee's movie. This is a new film that in the long run will turn out to be a whole series of badass (I'll get to this later). What this film is, simply is badass, balls, and breaking shit that will leave you pumped beyond all means.

First off, the cast was great. Edward Norton plays a great Bruce Banner. Liv Tyler did a great job of JUST BEING ON THE SCREEN. I can never get enough of Liv Tyler. The supporting cast is also nothing to sneeze at. Tim Roth plays a general which ends up becoming Hulk's enemy, Abomination. William Hurt plays General Ross. And we get a cameo from LOU FUCKING FERRIGNO!! For those of you who also don't know, he played the original Hulk in the TV series. Also, Hulk does speak some in this movie, and that part is played by Ferrigno. However, he plays a part (and might I add he's looking jacked as ever) as a security guard. Stan Lee of course has his cameo...who cares. The cast was all star, and we even get a cameo from Robert Downey Jr. (I'll also get to that later)

Now, on to the juicy shit. And trust me, theres a lot of it. Norton is in Brazil hiding away. He spends all this time working on homing his anger and wearing this nice little stopwatch on his wrist that monitors his heart rate. Its very simple. You get to 200 beats, everyone else is fucked. Without giving too much away, Norton must run and flee, which is something we've all been quite accustomed to. Norton hates becoming Hulk and wants nothing with it. However, us as bloodthirsty savages await for the first scene when the wrong guy fucks with the big green bastard. When it finally happens, the movie hits go. The fight scenes, while heavy on CGI, are some of the most badass fight scenes I've seen in a long long time. The Hulk looks great, the details are amazing. But the hulk looked good at the last film, too. All I fucking wanted to see is HULK SMASH. I was not disappointed. He broke and threw things that you never would have thought of. This movie hits you in the face and makes you feel every punch, every needle injected and every sound blast (yes, but you'll have to see this scene to fully understand).

All the preliminary fight scenes are amazing. However, we all know that the main event had to live up to the hype. It did. The Hulk and Abomination had an epic fight in NYC which was EPIC. I think I should preface this by saying that while you don't see any limbs tore off, loads of people are getting killed or severely injured in this film. This violence is at its peak at the final fight. The fight is just nitty gritty crazy ass punching, throwing, kicking, stabbing, choking, you name it. This is mindless summer action at its very best. One of the best parts is when Hulk breaks a car in two and uses the separate pieces as punching gloves. YES. If you don't believe me, click the video below:

Liv Tyler doesn't pussy up Edward Norton either. In a lot of movies, the love interest always seems to piss in the proverbial Cheerios. Just think of Adrian in the Rocky franchise. One particular kickass scene involves Norton about to bone down on Liv Tyler, but his stopwatch goes nuts. Thats right. The stopwatch cockblocks poor Edward Norton. I would have curb stomped that stopwatch if Liv Tyler said to me "You mean, you can't get a little excited"? The end serves as a starting point to something big. Robert Downey Jr. makes a cameo appearance as Tony Stark (aka Iron man) in which he explains that he is getting a "team" together. Avengers, anyone?

Overall, this film kicks ass. Its the epitome of what a summer blockbuster should be. If you're a guy, you are doing an injustice to your manhood by not going out and seeing this. If you're a woman and you don't want to see this movie, then I wish you the best in your future endeavors, but get the hell out of here. Go out and see this movie.